Saturday, July 19, 2014

Fuck Leukemia

Four years & three months, he has been fighting. He'll beat it & then just after his life gets somewhat normal again, it comes back. Even after a stem cell transplant, it keeps coming back. Several times now, he was teetering on the edge, one thin line from death & somehow he come back. The leukemia has been beaten 4 times & now looks like it's making it's 5th appearance.

32, looking 80, so goddam thin, my super, healthy athlete, so frail & fragile. He sits in the chair in his hospital room, shivering, legs twitching, coughing from pheumonia. No immune system to fight, dependent on all the antibiotics they are pumping into him. They need to give him more chemo, but his body cannot handle it. Now all they can do is blood & platelet transfusions.  Neupogen shots in the stomach, antibiotics in an IV drip.  Protein drinks, because he has zero appetite.

I want to ask, is he dying, but I don't. I don't want to know. He has always been strong & fit, he has lived his life as healthy as possible, athletics, eating nothing but healthy food, Working out, running, playing basketball for hours at a time. Now he can't walk to the bathroom two feet away.

Since the first day of learning he had Leukemia, he has amazed the doctors. Times he should have been dead, he was a walking miracle. The cancer & chemo would have killed most people several times over, but he kicked ass every fucking time. The Boy Wonder, as his doctors called him. A hot topic in medical journals & conferences. So many wanted to study his case, use him as a new protocol. Now he has nothing left. His body cannot handle anymore & we don't know how long his stubbornness & strong mind will be able to last.

Four years & three months, he has been in the hospital more then he has been home.  Bouncing between ICU, Cardiology & Oncology, watching other patients come & go. They move him to a different room now & then, just to give him a different view.  We know every Oncology nurse by name, we know the floor plan better then some that work there. We joke, they should name a wing after him.  Christmas & birthdays, celebrated in his hospital room. Will we make it to his next birthday? Will we get to wish him a happy 33rd? It's a month & a half away, will he make it till then?